So you call yourself a farmer or rancher?????

Imperialism: You have two cows. You painted both with stars and stripes and you let them loose in your neighbors vegetable patch causing extreme havoc.

Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk.

Tyrannism: You have two cows. The government tortures both, skins both alive, and hits you on the head with the bones to keep you quiet.

Socialism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor and gave them your vet's telephone for free health care privileges.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells the milk.

Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you and your whole family.

Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Feudalism: You have two cows. The Nobles takes both, orders you to milk them and you bathe the nobles with milk.

Libertarianism: You have two cows. The government takes both, releases them because they believe liberty is of the highest value.

Racism: You have two cows. The government takes both and then deports you because you're non-white and you did exactly the same thing similar to what the early European and British settlers did.

Bureaucraticism: You have two cows. The government takes both, milks both, shoots one, then pours the milk down the drain.

Statism: You have two cows. You want to set them free, however, you also believe you need permission from the state to be free to set them free.

Academicism: You have two cows. You study them both and came to the conclusion that nothing can be known.

Legalism: You have two cows. The government takes both because you let them roam around the city without a legal license or permit.

Absolutism: You have two cows. The government takes both just because they claim they rule.

Conservatism: You have two cows and keep them both in their usual state to maintain political and social traditions.

Humanitarianism: You have two cows. You slaughter both and feed them to the poor to improve human welfare.

Mutualism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor and you tell them about the mutual dependence of society.

Instrumentalism: You have two cows. You have the idea that both are instruments of action.

Anarchism: You have two cows.  You sell both and finance an activist movement because you believe that all governments should be abolished.

Totemism: You have two cows. You keep both because you believe you have a special kinship with the animals.

Immoralism: You have two cows.  The government takes both and paints them with rainbow colors.

Alotovkrapism: Two cows is what you have. One died. How many are left? None. The other cow went to the funeral.

Zerohedgeism: You have two cows. You have the opinion that on a long enough timeline, the survival rate of both cows drops to zero.

LGBTism:  My ex-partner and I had two cows. I raised and nurtured them with the concept of lots of milk, and maybe breeding a herd in the future.  He butchered them, feasted on steak, and now complains he's hungry. Fuck him.

SCOTUSISM:  SCOTUS will address the reproductive rights of bovine homosexuality in the next session, so you will be forced to accept gay cow views for your own good.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells the milk.

Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you and your whole family

Governmentism: You have two cows and you and your cows belong to the government.

American Exceptionalism : You had two cows who become sheep, left your farm and voted to confiscate your grain and avoid being milked.

Factism: You have two cows, you are Hindu. The cows sleep in the house, you sleep in the street.

Academicism2: You have two cows. You study them both and realize that you need to go back to school for a masters in Cow Studies.

ReModelism:  You sell one cow and remodel the kitchen.

Intellectualism: You have two cows. And you reasoned with government inspectors that you are keeping and studying them because you believe that all knowledge is derived from reason, but a dire lack of funding has inhibited this important mad-cow research, and budgeting priorities and allocations need to be reviewed and urgently redirected.

Obamacareism:   Both cows were being cared for very well.  The price of feed goes sky-high and cows everywhere are getting thin.  Vets won’t order farmers to own walking shoes and get physically fit.   All farmers are being asked to pitch in to help those supposed day-laborers who won’t stay healthy and will not work in the fields to help all of the cows stay healthy.

SocialSecurityism:   The long term health of both cows is zero because they will run out of feed sooner than anyone thought. 

Entitlementism:   The long term health of all cows is very good because government continues to tax everyone, everywhere.  Until they can’t.   Then gunfire everywhere.  

I_don't_give_a_fuckism: I  keep the cows and do what I want and walk around with open carry and live happily ever after.