Just too dam good not to share on July 9

Dear Sir,

I have a very complicated benefits question.
 
Many years ago, I married a widow out of love who had an 18 year-old daughter.
 
After the wedding, my father, a widower, came to visit a number of times, and he fell in love with my stepdaughter.
 
My father eventually married her without my authorization.
 
As a result my stepdaughter became my step mother and my father became my son in law.
 
My father's wife (also my step daughter) and my stepmother, gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my step daughter's mother.
 
This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father.
 
As you can see, my wife became a grandmother, because she is the mother of my father's wife.
 
Therefore it appears that I am also my wife's grandchild.
 
A short time after these events, my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father's brother-in-law, the stepson of my father's wife, and my uncle.
 
My son is also my stepmother’s brother, and through my step-mother, my wife has become a grandmother and I have become my own grandfather.
 
In light of the above mentioned, I would like to know the following:
 
Does my son, who is also my uncle, my father's son-in-law and my step mother's brother fulfill the requirements for receiving childcare benefits?
 
Sincerely yours,
 
Mohammed Abu Laden Habib
 
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THE RESPONSE:
 
Dear Mohammed,

Of course, you qualify! I have arranged to start mailing the checks to all of you just as soon as you arrive here in California.
 
Yours faithfully,
 

Governor Jerry Brown